


Goodnight, My love

by aishjinjaa



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, I had to get the angst out of my system, M/M, Side Dojae, Time Skips, i cried writing this i’m weak, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 11:11:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17600216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishjinjaa/pseuds/aishjinjaa
Summary: All the good nights in Johnny and Taeil’s life.





	Goodnight, My love

Taeil remembered Doyoung and Jaehyun’s wedding.

 

Taeil teared up a little while Doyoung says his vows in a shaky voice, holding Jaehyun’s hand tightly in his as if he’d run away if he let him go. It has been an especially emotional weekend for all of them while they prepared for the wedding. _Finally._ It was the word that ran around their minds as the only person in a relationship in their group of friends was finally tying the knot. Doyoung and Jaehyun had met in college, and it had been so instantaneous for them that it only took them a month before they started dating, stresses everybody around them with how cheesy they constantly were, as well as the couple kind of spread their agenda towards Taeil, who became the constant target of their matchmaking.

 

“How about Yuta?” Jaehyun suggested.

 

“No,” Doyoung shook his head. “He already has a boyfriend.”

 

It was always like this. Their third friend, Taeyong, was also perpetually single, but they didn’t torment him like this. They had suggested a few boys, yes. But never to the level of tormenting that they gave Taeil, who had around 4-5 suggestions everytime the topic comes up, and when it totally mattered, had gone on approximately 15 blind dates set up by the two. The tormenting got more intense in the last year, as the couple got engaged and got more worried about him and his single ass.

 

“Why don’t you go torment Taeyong?” he suggested lightheartedly.

 

“We never annoy him about this because he’s had stable, functioning relationships in the past. You’ve been on 16 ½ dates in all the time I’ve known you, hyung, but you’ve never been in a relationship.”

 

It was true. Taeyong was even dating right now, although it wasn’t a sure thing yet, it certainly looked like it was getting there, while Taeil still hadn’t even gone on a second date with anyone.

 

“I know someone who’d be perfect for you,” Jaehyun mumbles to himself. This, again. He always talks about knowing the exact guy for Taeil but they’ve all known that it will never work. “But he lives in America now, you won’t even go on second dates I doubt you’ll date anyone from the other side of the world.”

 

“Johnny,” they all said in unison. Jaehyun has suggested his old colleague from the college radio about a hundred times now, insisting that he’d be perfect for Taeil but since he has moved back to America after college, they never had the chance of setting them up.

 

But Jaehyun had set him up with almost half of the dates he’s had and he doesn’t have a stellar record, anyway. He’d always told him the guy might be a good match for him, but they never are. It’s not like he’s right.

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

The dancing had started early and eventually, Taeil had retreated to the bar, nursing a drink as he watched Taeyong and his date giggle to each other and then scanning the room for the newlyweds, eventually finding them at the center of the dance floor, slow-dancing, forehead to forehead, while Flo-Rida’s Low blasted on the background. He had been so engrossed in his friends that he didn’t notice a man approaching him.

 

“I saw you tearing up there,” he suddenly spoke up, making Taeil jump in surprise.

 

“Holy shit,” he clutched his chest, unable to stop himself from chuckling after the initial shock. Then he nodded, so as to answer the question initially thrown. “Yes, yes I did. It took them 7 years and now we’re here,” he smiled politely at the stranger. He observed him, eyes scanning the tall, lithe, and undeniably gorgeous man beside him, with hair swept up to show a handsome forehead. His eyes rake over the beautiful face and stopped at his deep cupid’s bow.

 

“You’re Doyoung’s best man, right?” Taeil was startled for the second time, nervous that he had been caught ogling the stressfully beautiful man.

 

“Yeah, I am,” he nods noncommittally, trying to distance himself from getting too attracted.

 

“You look familiar, did you go to SMU?”

 

“Yeah, I did. Music Department.”

 

The stranger paused, and then suddenly started laughing to himself, giggling hard. “I know you,” he forces out. “You were in that trio with Jaehyun once.”

 

Taeil raised an eyebrow, wondering what’s so funny about it, but he couldn’t help but be amused by the beautiful sound of laughter, either way. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing, nothing, I’m sorry,” the other man apologizes, desperately trying to calm himself down. “We just met I couldn’t just say it.”

 

Curiosity piqued, he stood straighter and leaned closer. “If you won’t tell me I’d think it’s something bad.”

 

“No! No, it isn’t I promise. It’s a _me_ problem, don’t worry.”

 

“Then tell me,” he put a hand on the stranger's elbow, getting too close for comfort, closer than he’d ever been with any of his past dates.

 

The stranger paused, considering. “You were singing a ballad with Jaehyun and a boy named Donghyuck, and then you hit that one note and I instantly got hard.”

 

Taeil freezes, his throat stuck between making a horrified sound and guffawing. He eventually settled for the latter and started laughing. “What?” the taller demanded, laughing uncontrollably himself. “I had to sit there the entire time with my bag covering my crotch, I couldn’t move away because I would have to pass through so many people,” he explained, embarrassed and thoroughly amused. “Jaehyun texted me nonstop, he invited me to a party you were all in but I couldn’t move it didn’t shrink for _so long,_ ” he paused to laugh again. “The concert ended but I remained seated even when everyone else was gone, it was so painful, I thought I had to get it cut off. Fortunately, it rained, and the cold diffused the uhh, tension.”

 

Taeil couldn’t stop laughing the entire time. “Okay, it was a you problem, I get it now,” he managed to say between giggles. He has been giggling for so long his face had turned red and grew hot.

 

“Happy now?” the stranger jokingly demanded, making Taeil laugh again, unaware of the looks he’d gotten from the couple dancing, smiling to each other.

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

“Johnny, where _are_ you?” Jaehyun demanded.

 

“I- uh, I can’t leave right now.”

 

“Johnny I swear to god if you’re out with some other guy when you _promised_ you’d be here-”

 

“No,” Johnny denied. “I’m still here.”

 

“At the concert? Isn’t it supposed to be over now?”

 

“I ran into, uhh, a problem. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

 

“You better,” Jaehyun audibly moved to a quieter place as the background noised dialed down. “You need to meet this boy before we graduate. He’s _perfect_ for you.”

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

When the emcee announced that the reception was nearing its end, Taeil suddenly glanced down at his watch and realized that he’d been talking to the handsome stranger for almost three hours. “Shit,” he cursed and turned to look for Doyoung and Jaehyun. Fortunately, the two seemed to have looked for him first as they were already striding to his direction.

 

“Thank you for being here,” Doyoung extends his arms to wrap him in a tight hug.

 

“Anytime, anything, for the two of you.”

 

Jaehyun hugged him next, smiling at him suggestively. “I see you’ve met my friend here.”

 

Taeil turns to the handsome stranger, definitely enjoying his company, manifested by the remnants of a smile on his lips. “Good company,” he supplied.

 

Jaehyun shrugged at the curt reply before moving on to the rest of the guests, thanking everyone.

 

When it had been time to go, Taeil was almost dragging himself out the door, agonizing about a decision. The chaos of the goodbyes and the catching up had separated him from the handsome stranger by the last hour of the reception, and he had not seen him again. He stood outside, waiting for the valet to arrive in his car. He checked his watch, it had been a few minutes after midnight.

 

“Here’s the thing,” Taeil jumped in surprise for the second time that night, clutching his chest and held onto the arm of the handsome stranger who had appeared beside him again. “I would really want to see you again.”

 

Taeil’s posture relaxed, his expression softens. Despite the chaos of the night, and despite the energy of their conversations, there was genuine _interest_ that bubbled between them. Or at least from Taeil. He had not been this interested in someone before, let alone wanting to see them again. If he had gone home that night and they hadn’t met again, he would have tracked him down from Jaehyun.

 

“Me, too,” he agreed readily. “I had fun.”

 

His car came into view and he had turned to the taller man, suppressing a smile from their agreement. “This is me,” he gestures the car idle in front of them as he accepted the keys from the valet.

 

“Give me your phone,” he had said, handing Taeil his own phone. “Save your number here.”

 

When Taeil got his phone back, he held onto it, careful not to touch the screen for fear of losing the number. “I’ll see you soon,” he glanced down to his own phone, “Moon Taeil,” he enunciated every syllable carefully, practicing his name on his lips. “Good night.”

 

“Good night,” he glanced at his own phone, with a fresh contact named… “Johnny Suh,” he couldn’t help but smile widely.

 

_Johnny._

 

_Johnny._

 

_Johnny._

 

_He’s perfect for you._

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

He remembered their second date.

 

They were both sitting on a balcony seat of a quiet restaurant, one that didn’t get a lot of traffic each day, but a hidden gem nevertheless. Johnny was obviously trying to be curt and formal but Taeil kept trying to joke around to make him revert back.

 

“I knew I shouldn’t have told you that boner story,” he shook his head, chuckling. “Now you think I’m a complete buffoon.”

 

“No, I don’t,” Taeil answered honestly. Because it was the truth. He’d been out with Johnny twice if you counted the wedding, and aside from his strong sense of humor, he was also really sweet and perceptive, and also seemed like he knew a lot by the way he talked. He was also very talkative, which Taeil appreciated because god knows he couldn’t maintain a conversation for as long as Johnny could.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m not very good at first dates,” he apologized after a few moments of silence.

 

“Don’t worry,” Johnny smiled up at him, the sun setting in a deep orange behind him, illuminating his silhouette beautifully, and his heart skipped a beat. “This is our second anyway,” he grinned, realizing that he had meant the wedding, and just like Taeil, he counts that one as the first.

 

That night, Johnny walked him home, keeping a safe distance from him, although he had the strongest urge to reach over to take his hand in his. The streetlights kept them company as they walked side by side, almost synchronized in their steps. “Would you, perhaps, want to see me again?”

 

Of all the times he’d been asked with that question, this is the first time he’d ever said “Yes.”

 

When they had stopped in front of Taeil’s building, they were directly standing underneath a streetlight, and the warm colors bounced against Johnny’s figure, casting an immaculate light around him. He looked into the other’s eyes and he couldn’t believe his heart. There was something about Johnny, he felt it since the wedding. He was gorgeous, that’s a given, but there was so much more to him. His smile was consistently genuine, ones that reach his eyes, and you can feel the warmth radiating off him. The sound of his laugh made Taeil completely enamored, and he couldn’t help but think that he’d like to hear it more. Johnny leaned in carefully and pressed a tiny kiss on the top of his head.

 

“This okay?” he whispered against his head.

 

“Yes,” he whispers back, his hands frozen on Johnny’s waist, feeling its shape and the soft skin underneath. He cups Taeil’s face with both hands and kisses his temple tenderly, and Taeil melts.

 

“Good night, Taeil.”

 

“Good night, Johnny.”

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

They had been watching a movie on the couch, it was something that Johnny had seen before and insisted that he watch it. But it’s the thing with Taeil, he couldn’t watch a movie without falling asleep, no matter how interested he was. The movie had been playing for less than 30 minutes when he started to become light-headed.

 

“Hey,” Johnny nudged him softly. “I know how you are with movies, do you wanna stop?” Taeil shook his head immediately and straightened up, knowing that it was important to Johnny. “I’ll try to stay awake.”

 

But it was difficult. With Johnny pressed against him, warm, comfortable, and smelled like lavender fabric conditioner, he seriously wanted to cuddle up and sleep against his chest. “You’re sleepy,” Johnny wraps an arm around him and pulls him against his chest, allowing Taeil to close his eyes and relax against him.

 

Taeil quietly sat up, decisive. His blood rushed, he can almost hear it as his heartbeat instantaneously picked up speed. He leaned, cupped Johnny’s jaw with his hand, and pressed the lightest of kisses on Johnny’s lips. He moved back, but not before Johnny can pull him back in, this time with a kiss with more purpose. Elaborate. His hands immediately wrap around Johnny’s waist, hugging him as they continued to kiss languidly. He’d been thinking about this for quite some time, and he does think that they’d been dating long enough, hell, many would even consider it too long to wait for a single kiss.

 

It wasn’t anything wild, it was just gentle, and it was soft, only lips against lips, but it made Taeil feel so much more. He could feel heat behind his eyes, threatening to spill as Johnny started to mumble sweet-nothings against his lips.

 

Pretty. _Kiss._

Kind. _Kiss._

Beautiful. _Kiss._

You’re perfect. He pressed a long kiss on Taeil’s lips.

 

He’s never fallen this hard before.

 

 

Johnny stood against his doorway, holding his hand as he was leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Taeil asked.

 

“You know I leave for Chicago tomorrow,” Johnny frowned. Their advertising company had set up a base in Seoul and Johnny was overseeing it, but their headquarters was still in Chicago and he still had to go back and forth between the two cities. This was the first time he had to leave.

 

“I know,” Taeil pouted. “I was just thinking positive. Maybe a month will shorten if I kept saying it,” he sighed, not expecting he’d be attached to Johnny under a year of knowing him, to the point that he doesn’t even want to let his hand go.

 

“Good night, Taeil,” Johnny hugs him, leaning down to kiss him on the lips, and he sighs contentedly against it.

 

“Good night, Johnny.”

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



  


“You were right, Jaehyun,” suddenly whispered, stopping the bickering couple.

 

“What?” Jaehyun stops at Taeil’s agonizing expression as he sank further into their couch.

 

“I said, you were right.”

 

“I know, but I need some context,” he joked, feeling comfortable as Taeil’s expression had turned softer.

 

Taeil ignored the drumming in his chest, closing his eyes, feeling the battle within himself. “He’s perfect for me,” he couldn’t help but smile despite the battle in his heart. Doyoung squealed then clapped a hand over his mouth, “Are you serious?”

 

“I’ve never felt this way,” he shook his head, confused about the storm in his mind. “He’s all I think about, he’s stressful,” he laughed, envisioning Johnny acting weird again. “I always get this urge to run my fingers through his hair, and when I think of him I could only think about how I want him to be happy. All the time. _All the time,_ ” Taeil had become emotional, tears filling his eyes. “I wanna keep him smiling, I want to keep content, I want to fill his life with endless joy,” he continued. “Is that a thing?”

 

Doyoung smiled, glancing at Jaehyun with eyes filled with affection, he reaches for his husband's hand and he squeezed it tightly before pressing a kiss to his knuckles, “It is, Taeil. It is.”

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

When Johnny came back, Taeil spotted him among the crowd immediately, with his head jutting out. “Johnny!” he called out, a smile plastered across his face. Because of a problem with their operations, he had to extend his stay for two more months, and in about a week, it will be the first year since they’d met at Doyoung and Jaehyun’s wedding.

 

Johnny beamed at the sight of him, rushing towards him, and before long, he had wrapped his strong arms around him, tight and desperate, before lifting him a few inches off the ground, “I missed you so much,” Johnny whispered against his hair.

 

Taeil giggled, feeling the same. Skype calls did no justice to the actual boy in front of him. “I missed you, too.” He doesn’t even know how many _see you tomorrow_ ’s he’d had to chant to himself as he waited for him to come back.

 

Johnny angles his head and kisses him full on the mouth, sighing when they made contact. “Fuck,” he exhaled when he pulled away. “I missed you _so fucking much._ ”

 

Taeil cupped his face, pressing one last short kiss on his lips. “Me, too. But you’re here now.”

 

“Holy shit, it’s like we’re not even here,” Jaehyun complained, watching the two exchange small kisses, whispering to each other.

 

“Hi, _Johnny,_ ” Doyoung waved his hand in front of Johnny, taking his attention. “We’re here, too.”

 

Taeil couldn’t help but laugh.

 

He’s back.

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

The rain clattered against the window, making everything around them cold but comfortable. The only thing you could hear in the apartment was the sound of the rain hitting the roof and the quiet friction between Taeil’s slippers and the floor as he padded around the room. He had changed into his pajamas and was brushing his teeth. However, he had to stop to admire his boyfriend. Johnny hugged his knees, making himself shrink in size, as he looked out the window humming along to music that Taeil had left playing in the background. He looked so relaxed, so _at ease_ that Taeil couldn’t help but smile to himself while staring. The low light in their room made Johnny’s face shine brighter than it usually does, and the soft smile on his face was what completed it all. It was usually Johnny who told him he was beautiful, but there were moments like these: when Johnny is out of his work clothes, hair damp and sticking to his face, cold and professional demeanor shaken off, that Taeil appreciates the fact that he was given the honor to see this, that he was given the chance to be with someone this beautiful.

 

He slowly approaches Johnny, who seemed to expect him since he held out his arm and stretched his legs even before Taeil got to him. Taeil immediately went into his arms and wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his nose against his shoulder. “Are you leaving again?” Taeil had not gotten used to it. He left multiple times a year, sometimes he just had to be away for a few days, sometimes, for a few months.

 

“Next week,” he answered. “I’m sorry.”

 

“No, it’s fine,” he shook his head, turning his head to bury it against his neck instead. For a while, Taeil just stood there, quietly breathing while they both listened to the sound of the rain. “See you soon, right?”

 

“See you soon,” Johnny answered. It has been a habit of theirs, because saying _see you soon_ comforted Taeil. Johnny left him from time to time, but he always came back. Saying see you soon sped up the days, saying see you soon reminds him that sometimes, their reunions make them anticipate each other more.

 

“Johnny?” He whispered, so quietly he wasn’t even sure if Johnny heard him.

 

“Yeah?” Apparently, he did.

 

It was now or never. Taeil gathered up his courage, looked up at Johnny, and said: “I love you.”

 

Johnny’s lips twitched upward as a huge smile bloomed on his face. “I love you, too,” he whispered. Not in the _this-is-a-secret_ kind of way but in a _you’re-the-only-one-this-is-for_ kind, and Taeil’s heart sang as he leaned against him again, the bridge of his nose pressed against Johnny’s jaw. There’s nothing else in the world he loved more than Suh Youngho, and he didn’t say it then, but there was no one else he could spend the rest of his life with but him.

 

The both went to bed that night, happier than ever, knowing that the person they love most, loves them, too.

 

“Good night, Taeil,” Johnny mumbled against his hair. No matter how busy he was, no matter how tired he was, Johnny always said it, whispered it, chatted it, texted it. And he always did it first.

 

“Good night, my love.”

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



 

“I wish you wouldn’t ride that death machine all the time, it’s so scary,” Taeil chastised as Johnny walked towards him, helmet in hand. He wouldn’t admit it but one of the hottest things about Johnny was he had this motorcycle and he always looked like one of those gangster boys in movies, but he really hated it when Johnny used it. It looked too open and dangerous for his liking.

 

“Death machine?” Johnny laughed, not just his tiny smiles or big guffaws but his genuine laugh, the one that lines creases across his face. “That’s my baby, he’s not a death machine.” He leans forward to kiss him on the lips.

 

“Then what am I, then?” He pouted, pretending to sulk.

 

Johnny suddenly scoots forward and puts the helmet on the table before reaching inside his motorcycle jacket for something. “Well you’re my boyfriend,” Johnny said, suddenly serious, and honestly quite nervous. “But I was hoping,” he pulls a black, velvet box and Taeil gasps, understanding right away. “I was hoping that you’d want to be my husband?”

 

Taeil dropped the book that he was reading and goes straight into Johnny’s arms, “You’re willing to stay with me forever?” He asked, teary, his voice shaking. He couldn’t believe it.

 

“Of course, I am,” Johnny replies, validating and assuring him. “You’re the love of my life. I wouldn’t have anybody else,” Taeil starts crying. He didn’t cry much, he only does when he’s overwhelmed, and when it comes to Johnny, he sometimes just couldn’t help it. Maybe his love itself was overwhelming enough that Taeil is moved to tears whenever Johnny is involved.

 

“I love you so much, Johnny Suh.”

 

“I love you, too, baby. More than you’ll ever know.”

 

That night, Johnny talked to his mom about their engagement and Taeil had never felt more accepted when she had instantaneously welcomed him into the family. Taeil, however, had a roaring headache because of all the crying and he had to excuse himself earlier so he can go to bed. He was going upstairs but he paused to look at Johnny, waiting for his nightly ritual.

 

Johnny looks up at him, adoration and affection in his eyes, “Good night, Taeil.”

 

“Good night, my love.”

 

  * ••    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •    •   



  


When Taeil got the call, he had been half asleep on the couch, waiting for Johnny to come home. He functioned with half a mind as he rushed to the hospital, still in his home slippers, sweats, and robe, but he didn’t care. Johnny needed him. His fiancé needed him. His mind like a broken record repeating over and over and over again.

 

_Please be okay._

 

_Please be okay._

 

_Please be okay._

 

_I won’t know what to do without you._

 

When he got there, he managed to drag himself to where the nurse directed him. His mind was a blur, most of it was just a mess of too many thoughts, too many words, too many emotions. It wasn’t before he started crying, one tear after the other.

 

A nurse came out after a while to calm him, but he couldn’t stop panicking, couldn’t stop the fear that’s lodged in his throat. He couldn’t lose him. “We’re doing everything we can, he’s fighting,” she had comforted him but nothing would stick. He just wants him to be okay.

 

Sometime that night someone, it might have been him, had called Doyoung and Jaehyun, who didn’t take too long to rush to the hospital themselves. They arrived when Taeil had been bent over, crying his eyes out.

 

“Taeil,” Doyoung choked. He looked up, the faces of his two best friends’ were blurry from his tears. He sobbed harder, his heart overflowing from worry, his brain ready to hit self-destruct.

 

“He isn’t there, right,” he asked Doyoung, _pleading._ “Tell me he isn’t there. Please tell me I heard wrong.”

 

Doyoung frowned, hugging his best friend against him as he cried himself.

 

Johnny got into an accident. Taeil had told him to get rid of the death machine, but he didn’t. He crashed against a truck. He had a pulse when he arrived, and until now, there has been no news, and Taeil’s about to scratch his scalp raw.

 

“I don’t know what I’ll do, Doyoung. He needs to come out of there. He needs to come back to me.”

 

Taeil had calmed down, but Doyoung and Jaehyun stayed with him. Waiting outside, hoping, praying, _pleading_ to God, desperate that Johnny will be okay.

 

So when the doors open and the exhausted doctor came out, Taeil lept to his feet, only to be greeted by an apologetic face.

 

“I’m sorry—w” he didn’t need to continue. Taeil had fallen to the ground, strength leaving his legs. His heart felt like it was ripped out of his chest as the tears fell, one after the other, he hit his head against the wall, he hit his chest with his fist, he thrashed around and cried, and cried, and cried. But nothing seemed to be working. Why isn’t it working? Why is he not feeling better? _Why isn’t it working?_

 

He fell against Doyoung, his voice was hoarse, but his tears had not dried up.

 

_He’s gone._

 

Just like that, he was gone. Johnny. Won’t he see him smile again? Won’t he hear him laugh again? Won’t he hear his voice again?

 

He suddenly recalled Johnny’s voice in his mind, calling out to him, making him bawl once more. The door to the room opened and Taeil was allowed in.

 

He’s here. Right in front of him. He had so many cuts and bruises but his face, _his beautiful, kind, perfect face,_ was unmarred, except for a small scratch on his cheekbone.

 

“Johnny?” He called out, hoping for any response. He refuses to believe he’s not coming back. “Johnny, baby?”

 

_Nothing._

 

He walked closer, seeing his fiancé’s injuries up close. He groaned, looking away. “Johnny?” He started crying again when the other wouldn’t answer. He hiccuped, crying, shaking his head, denying that any of this is real.

 

“No, I’m dreaming,” he croaks. “I’m dreaming.” He reached out, his fingers made contact with Johnny’s and he breaks. He was still slightly warm, but he was already slowly turning cold and it was undeniable.

 

Taeil’s heart breaks and the only thing that seemed to matter was Johnny’s hand in his. He cries and cries and cries, continuously forcing himself to wake up.

 

“When I wake up, you’ll be here, right?” He sobs from his chest, resonating his empty chest—hollow and dead.

 

“Why did you leave me?” He sobbed against his fiancé’s hand, their engagement ring still tight against his finger. “Why didn’t you take me with you?” He rested his cheek against his palm, but no movement came, no one to cup his cheeks when he’s tired or sad. He left. He isn’t here.

 

“Just this once,” he stopped, sobs wracking his entire being, he was on the edge of breaking down, but he didn’t care. If he died right there, he didn’t care. At least he would get to see him again “You should have taken me with you.”

 

Taeil’s cries echoed on the hallway as it was slowly filled with friends, his parents notified and got on the first flight back to Seoul.  Everyone by the hallway had been crying, sobbing simultaneously, but none had been more heartbreaking than the one that echoed inside the room.

 

After a few hours, the tears had slowed down, and Taeil felt numb. He kept on holding Johnny’s hand, now cold and eternally: lifeless. He stares at his face, his beautiful face, the face of the person that he loves most in this world, and talks to him. “Babe, I couldn’t sleep. I want to sleep. So I can wake up from this dream and you would be here. I can’t fall asleep without you saying good night now,” he smiled, allowing a new batch of tears to fall.

 

“Babe, say something.”

 

_Nothing._

 

“Okay, since this is a dream, it’s fine, right? If I said it first?”

_Still. Nothing._

"Okay," he inhaled deeply, focusing on his heart, focusing on his love. His breath came in shudders, and he can't seem to stop hiccuping, much less stop more quiet tears to fall from his eyes. "I'll fall asleep, and when I wake up, we can be somewhere else, we can be back in Japan for a trip, I don't know. And when I'll wake up, you'll be right there beside me, and you'll still look at beautiful as ever. And when I wake you, you'll open your eyes," his voice breaks, imagining an alternate universe where that's true, where Johnny hadn't died and taken Taeil's heart with him. "And when you do, I'll love and cherish you _so much more_ than I already do."

Taeil sighed, then leaned forward to press a kiss against Johnny's hand, it felt like letting go of his heart, “Good night, my love. I’ll see you soon.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the song Goodnight, My Love by Moira and Nieman
> 
> i’m sorry if it turned out like this djdjdj i’m too emotional for life in general
> 
> You can leave a comment or you can dm me on twitter @choisoftcheol
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!


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